To Die for Glory
by beautiesrosemightneverdie
Summary: Kirk has been taken by Khan and and is now living with him on a mysterious planet. Kirk will do anything to escape the Hell he is living in now, but will he pay the ultimate price for his freedom? Kirk/Khan, Dark!fic, AU. Full warnings inside.
1. The Price I Pay

bAuthor's Note:/b So this is my first Star Trek: 2009 story, and only my second story on fanfiction. It's rated M for a reason and so I suggest if you don't like yaoi or slash or are triggered by self-harm to click the back button like ASAP. In this Khan and Kirk and it will have sexual interactions. There is Star Trek: Into Darkness spoilers! You have been warned. I'm not sure if I want this to be long or shortish. Please bear with me as the plot bunny feasts itself on my poor overly exhausted brain. All my love, ~Beauty's Rose~

bWarnings: Sexual Content, language, manipulation, AU, slash and self-harm!/b

bDisclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, all recognizable characters and object do not belong to me but some other company whose name escapes me at the moment. Also the song is "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserable… /b

~~~OOO~~~OOO~~~

Jim wasn't sure how he got to this point. On his back, being pounded into by a man he is supposed to despise, a man who threatened, and attempted, to kill him and his crew. And yet here he was. He looked to the side and stared at the makeshift wall of where he had been living for the past few months. Made of the planets version of wood and animal skin to keep it warm during the bitter cold nights, but Jim was not cold now. His body felt hot, sweat dripping down his side. He felt the man above him slow down until he stopped, though he was not spent like he usually was. Jim didn't bother to look up at him. He may have agreed to let the man use his body, but he'd be damned if he would give him the satisfaction of actually looking at him when he was using him. The man above him sighed and leaned in to whisper in Jim's ear, "It would be easier and so much more pleasurable for you if you just gave in Kirk."

Jim gritted his teeth, biting back the retort he would have said just five months ago, but he had learned. He had learned to bite his tongue so as to avoid giving the man above him the satisfaction of deeming a response. The man sighed again, and said, "Well I'm put out now, I guess we'll have to postpone the session until later tonight when it's colder and you'll need the body heat to stay alive. Isn't that right Kirk?" This time Jim did look up at him, menace in his blue eyes, anger seething at his needs being exploited.

"Don't be mad, love. You are my mate, it's my job to keep you safe and warm," With that being said, the other man pulled off and gracefully stood, his tall, pale body stretching, powerful muscles moving over taught, white skin. Jim's eyes traveled over the man's frame before looking away, frustration at the want pooling at the pit of his stomach. He looked away from the expanse of pale skin and back at the hut wall. He heard the man pulling on his clothes and then strapping up his combat boots before he walked out of the small bedroom that he shared with Jim. Only then did Jim sit up and swing his legs off the bed. He started flexing his various muscles, checking for soreness. He found that only his neck, inner thighs and groin were sore this time. He grimaced at this particular thought, knowing that meant his body was either getting used to the pain or that his body was becoming more used to the fuckings he endured whenever his "mate" felt like it. He shuddered at the thought of this. He walked over to the window over at the other end of the small room. He had become comforted by the view of the jungle spread out over the expanse of area below the cliff where the hut was set up. Where ever this planet was located, Jim had no idea, all he knew that the days were hot and the nights cold. The animals and plants were edible for the most part and there was water that was fresh. It would have been paradise had Jim had the chance to choose for himself to be there, but he didn't. The memory of the day he lost the choice of freedom came to him and he chose to relive it like he did so often.

~~~OOO~~~OOO~~~

iJim sat in the chair thinking about his conversation with the superhuman named Khan. He thought about it often ever since they had had it. He thought about how he had part of Khan living within him now. The USS Enterprise was traveling at warp speed at the time when suddenly the ship was shoved out of the warp zone. Jim flew out of his chair and slammed against Sulu's chair. Shakily, Jim stood up holding his head. "What. The. Hell. Was. That?" No one seemed to have an answer, so Jim stumbled towards the door. Officer Uhura called after him as he walked off the bridge. He had to find Scotty, Scotty would know what was going on, he always did. His hand felt sticky, but he didn't bother to remove it from his head. He heard yelling and everything told him to turn around and run the other way. Instead, he grabbed his phaser out of his holster and stumbled on, determined to make it to Engineering. Scotty would know what to do, was all Jim could tell himself. A nagging voice in the back of his head told him that he could have just called Scotty on his Tripod, but he ignored it. No point in going back now anyways. He stumbled again and placed the hand not on his head on the wall. Something was dripping down the side of his face, his head was throbbing. This time when he stumbled, he fell. The ground had looked so far away, but now it coming closer, and closer. He hit the ground, bashing his shoulder and arm. The phaser flew out of his hand and skidded down the hall. Everything was eerily quiet. Jim rolled unto his back, groaning in pain. He looked behind him. His vision was too blurry to distinguish anything but dark clothing and pale skin. It was a man, Jim decided, a man who is very tall. Jim got the funny notion that the man's head was hitting the ceiling. The very tall man squatted down by Jim's head. Up close, he could see the man's bright, icy stare. A cold hand touched his head, softly brushing his hands over Jim's hair. Black spots were appearing over Jim's vision when the man spoke for the first time.

"Captain, what /i has i become of you?" At those words, Jim sank into unconsciousness./i

~~~OOO~~~OOO~~~

And now he was here, living in a paradise that he could not enjoy. Not while he was a prisoner of that man. Said man cleared his throat, making Jim jump slightly. He turned to stare at the tall man, at Khan, not bothering to speak.

"I'm going hunting. We need more kindling and other supplements for dinner, I'll need you to get them. Do not go off the trail I have marked. I will know if you do. Understand?" Khan's voice boomed, demanding attention. Jim grimaced and turned away from him, looking once again out the window. He heard Khan stride across the room and felt him wrap his arms around Jim, whispering in his ear, "Jim… there is no reason to fight me. There is no one here to see you break. I can make you so much better, so much stronger, and so much smarter. Just let me in, I will make you great." Jim shivered at this, shivered at Khan's rare use of his first name. He felt Khan nip at pulse and hissed in response. Khan's hands ran over Jim's bare chest, finding his sensitive spots. His hands traveled lower, dusting over his navel to travel down the line of hair and finally brush his fingers over Jim's member. Jim let out a shuddering breath, trying to control his body's reaction to Khan's ministrations. But he lost the fight when Khan grasped him in his large hand and started to stroke him with strong, firm strokes. Jim suppressed his moan, fighting to do the exact opposite of what the Augment wanted of him. He would not become his supple slave, his little imate/i to be exact. He had never been one to listen to authority; instead, he found ways to bend the rules to his liking. And so he bended. He stayed silent and unmoving as Khan brought him to completion. He heard Khan sigh and remove himself.

"Please Jim, you would be so much happier if you just… Let go…" With that being said, Khan walked out of the room and out of the hut to go hunt like he did every few days

When Jim was finally sure that he left, he turned and slid down the wall, coming to a seat on the dirt floor. He pulled his knees into his chest and put his head into his hands and let the tears slip out for the first time in months. He cried for the life he once had and the hell he was in now. The words of an old song came to him. Slowly he started to sing as the tears ran down his face:

iI dreamed a dream in time gone by  
When hope was high  
And life worth living  
I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving  
Then I was young and unafraid  
And dreams were made and used and wasted  
There was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder  
As they tear your hope apart  
As they turn your dream to shame/i

A sob bubbled in his throat as he sang the last line. He couldn't remember where the song was from, only that it was from his childhood and was very, very old. It gave him a strange comfort. After letting his body shake for what seemed like hours, he finally stood and searched the room for his discarded clothing. Finding it, he pulled on the breaches that Khan had made for him along with his black Star Fleet undershirt that was the only piece of his old life. Walking into the front room, he searched the room with his blue eyes, looking for a bag. The rustic room was made from wood and stone and had a fire pit and the beginnings of an oven and a water basin that Khan had carved from stone. He grabbed the bag next to the door and headed out into the woods. The trail was marked clearly with pieces of Jim's old Star Fleet uniform. Jim couldn't help but remember the fight he had gone through to keep his shirt and the anger he had felt when Khan had ripped it to shreds anyways and marked a path with it, just another way to keep him prisoner.

He walked along, not really paying attention to what he was grabbing, only that it was wood and could be burned. He stopped when he saw something. Berries, bright blue and rather large and juicy looking. He recognized them almost immediately. They were deadly, an almost instantaneous awaited anyone or thing that ate it. Jim had learned this the hard way when Khan had fed them to a baby bird to see if they were edible. Jim had been horrified to watch the little thing drop lifeless in his hands. No sign that it was in any sort of pain, just death.

It was then the idea came to Jim. A terrible and horrid idea. He dropped the bag and picked the largest berry he could see. He felt an ache in his chest as he walked back to the hut. Jim grabbed a piece of his Starfleet uniform and clutched it in his other hand He felt tears coming back, but he pushed them away. "Not now Jim, be strong," He could just hear Bones' voice in his head. Jim picked up the recorder Khan used to record important things like edible plants.

"This is the last journal recording of James Tiberius Kirk, captain of USS Enterprise. Over two months ago, I was kidnapped by a man known as Khan. He used me in ways that I care not repeat. I hope that this is found someday so that my crew might know what happened to me. I have decided there is no other option but to end my life. I hope that people may understand the horrible position I was placed in. James Kirk is not dying today, no, he died months ago. End transmission."

He set the recorder next to the cot and then sat down on the it and let the tears flow. He mourned for the life he once had and the life he could have had. By the time Khan would get back, there would be no way to revive him, his brain and body would be shut down beyond even the repair of Khan's own blood. Laying down, Jim laid down the Starfleet uniform piece over his heart. He prayed that he would find a better place beyond this universe, a better world or realm. A calm feeling spread throughout his body as he put the berry too his lips kissing it before opening his mouth and taking a large bite of it. The moment he swallowed, a numbness spreading quickly throughout his body. He closed his eyes and for the first time in months, he felt at peace.

~~~OOO~~~OOO~~~

bAuthor's Note:/b So there it is. I know it ended very sadly but I will be continuing this. You'll just have to see where it goes. The playlist to what I was listening to when writing this is on my page if anyone cares to listen to some of the music. Thank you all so much for reading! As usual reviews are always welcome! Thank you Dearies! ~Beauties~

Leniency


	2. The Consequences of Concern

bAuthor's Note:/b So I told some of you guys in my answers to the reviews that this would be from Khan's point of view, buuuuuuuut I changed my mind, this is from Kirk's point of view and is being written in one night because I love you all so dearly 3 With that being said, welcome to:

To Die For Glory,

Chapter Two: The Consequence of Concern

~~~OOO~~~OOO~~~

Jim was floating. He couldn't tell if is eyes were open or closed, but he was definitely floating. There was a buzzing sound, he thought. The buzzing, he realized, was a multitude of voices whispering so many different things that he became quite sure he was simply imagining the voices and that it was, in fact, just buzzing. A thought occurred to him, like a butterfly spreading its wings, that he was dead. It seemed that that was all that was needed to open the flood gates of memories in his mind. Growing up, Star Fleet Academy, meeting Spock, becoming Captain and then him. Khan. The very man who broke him, the very man who had destroyed everything that Jim was and had taken everything from him to the point where Jim had sacrificed the last thing he had, his life. So now he was floating in darkness. He had been here before. He'd been here before; this darkness had a familiar and rather comforting presence if he remembered correctly. Before, it had been a reprieve from the pain of radiation. It had been comforting knowing that the people who had become his family, would be safe from dying a horrible death and that the needs of a many outweighed the needs of a few, the few being him. And now what has he died for? Jim could only reason it as a relief from a different kind of pain. What have you done, Jim? What in a Hell's name have you fucking done? Jim felt anguish rip at his soul. The buzzing filled the darkness, turning into a shrieking, becoming deeper and deeper until Jim realized it was a cry of agony, pure and unadulterated pain. Light burst into his eyes and a vision came into clarity.

~~~OOO~~~OOO~~~

bKhan's Point of View/b

The adrenaline still filled his veins as Khan made his way back to the hut he had called home for the past few months, He wondered what Jim had found for food to go with the meat Khan had killed and was bringing home now. He wanted to see Jim again, wanted to feel Jim's body next to his, feel Jim all around him, Khan wanted to touch him.

When the hut came into view, there was no smoke coming out of the hole Khan had made for said smoke. His senses on high alert, Khan pulled out his knife he had carved from a stone and bone and approached the hut and then entered it. He dropped the meat onto the ground by the door and slowly walked towards the back room. He dropped his weapon as horror swept through his body, causing him to drop to his knees and scream, cursing every God and Goddess out there to Hell. He raised his tear drenched face towards the cot to where the man he had sworn to protect, sworn to love, laid, cold as ice.

~~~OOO~~~OOO~~~

bAuthor's Note:/b So this was a short chapter, I know, but hey, you got to see Khan didn't you? I've got a really busy week coming up and then I'm flying out to New Mexico to help clean out my grandparent's house so I should be able to get the next chapter written while on the plane. I need a beta if anyone is willing, just PM me and I'll get your email address and then we will go from there. I need someone that knows both the old and new Star Trek, especially pertaining to Khan and his character. Please let me know as soon as possible. Until then, these chapters are unedited, so please bear with me.

bUp Next!/b Kirk sees what's been going through Khan's head and we start to see what got Kirk into this situation in the first place…


	3. Note on Updates

Hey everyone, I'm hopefully getting virus protection tomorrow! *Whoop Whoop* However, School is starting in a week and since it's my first semester in college, updates will remain infrequent for awhile. I'm about half way done with To Die For Glory Chapter 3 and a quarter of the way done with Into the Night Chapter 3. When I have virus protection they will be finished and published! Until then, feel free to PM me about updates and I may even give a clue as to what is going on ;))

Until then dearies,

Beauties


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